I've made a lot of changes in my life this year. The first, quitting a wonderful, amazing job I had where I was surrounded by great colleagues and wonderful students. It was a steady job, paid well, and got to do so many things that I'd only dreamed of doing. I look back now and I realize how lucky I was, but not that I am unlucky now.
As a teacher, touching lives is essential for me. As a writer, singer, well, artist, really, it is the same for me. I have found so many answers within myself during this journey and in this beautiful city that I really can only believe that I am where I need to be and I have lived what I needed to live. Every decision I've taken for my well-being has led me to the right path and I know that when I've doubted myself, my inner voice, it's only led to a big mess. Then again, we can always learn from our mistakes, I sure have.
Who would've thought that quitting a wonderful job would lead to something wonderful as well? Do I miss my students? Yes. Do I miss my co-workers? Yes. Do I miss my family and friends? Hell yes. But do I miss myself? No. How can I when I've been discovering and unfolding so many things about myself that I cannot miss the 'old me'. Believe me, I don't say this in an 'egocentric' way at all, but in a very spiritual way. If you cannot learn to understand yourself, or better yet, accept and love yourself, how can you expect to be OK with life? There is a deep indescribable feeling of when you get to know yourself, taking off each and every layer until you stand truly naked before yourself, and breathing in that moment to tell yourself "Hey, you are beautiful. I love you for who you are. We are together in this forever, until death. Who else has been there with you since you came to exist and will be with until you leave this world behind? Me."
Now, I know it may be difficult for some to understand or to imagine what might seem as a form of separation from yourself to look at yourself as almost two people in one body, but aren't we all more than just one person? What I mean is, aren't we all our own mothers or fathers, brothers or sisters, friends or foes, or even lovers? I know that to love another and to be loved in return is an amazing, wondrous adventure if you choose wisely, but I truly believe that finding and loving yourself is also just as beautiful, but I cannot say even more than the previous, since I believe they do not overrule each other.
As I sit and write this, I find myself alone and surrounded by silence. It is dark outside, it is cold. I have no apartment here like I do back home, but I have a bed to sleep on and warmth in the cold of the night. I don't have a car or a bicycle, but I have two good feet and strong legs to carry me. I don't have my piano, my dear, sweet, loving, piano, but I do have music in my soul and in my breath, each and every day. I don't have my books, but I have a thousand stories to tell. What I have is happiness and independence, freedom and friends, music and beautiful words in my head, passion and rest. So how can I say that I regret all I did? Never. I will never regret, never be lonely, never forget.
